Speaking The Language of Love

Happy Valentine’s Day friends!

On this day where everyone is stepping up their romance game with flowers, chocolate and other gifts we wanted to see if the gifts that you have prepared for your loved ones are speaking to their love languages.

I am fairly positive that this is not a new idea to most of you, and that probably many of you have read the book “The Five Love Languages.” Kyle and I got two copies of this book as a wedding gift, which just solidifies that fact that the five love languages have been helpful in the relationships and lives of our friends and family.  

I personally am a HUGE fan of personality tests. If you have taken a road trip with me, met me for coffee or gone on a walk around the park I’ve probably asked you about your love language your Myers-Briggs or your Enneagram. I love knowing the unique ways that God created each of us and learning more and more about each other. I work on a team of 20+ trainers and a common question when you join our team is “what is your love language?” This is not because of romantic reasons obviously, so if this post turns you off because of it’s romantic undertones or because it is on Valentine’s Day I hope you’ll stay tuned. The love languages help us to understand people in our lives in a new way as well as to foster healthy romantic relationships, relationships with your friend, your coworkers and your children as well.

I wanted to briefly tell you about the five love languages and then share how you can use these to better love on and care for the people in your life:

1. Words of affirmation- this is my personal love language and how I best respond and give love. Essentially, this is using words to show other how you love and appreciate them. For me, this can be as easy as telling me that you appreciate something that I did or can see how hard I worked to achieve something. Words really hold a lot of value in this language. In the same way that positive and encouraging words build this person up, insulting and negative words can really cause a words person to feel super unloved and discouraged.  A great gift for me on Valentine’s day would be a sweet card or love note. If you read my post about celebrating the little things then you know that the Target card aisle is one of my favorite past times, and it’s probably mostly because I love words of affirmation.

2. Quality Time- I love this one because I believe it’s my secondary love language, but it is also Kyle’s. People whose primary love language is quality time enjoy uninterrupted, undivided attention away from distractions like phones and TV. In our relationship I know that nothing drives Kyle more crazy then when we are eating dinner at the end of the day and I am on my phone. Quality time people need just that-- sitting and listening or engaging shows them just how much you love them.  A great gift for a quality time person might be a date where you put away your phones and just spend time together or even making dinner together!

3. Acts of Service- For these people actions speak louder than words, so seeing a need and meeting it really shows them that they are loved and valued. People who receive love by service need to feel valued in not what you say but in doing so. If you’re looking to give a gift for someone in your life who loves to receive acts of service, maybe you could take over a chore that they don’t enjoy, surprise them by checking something off their to-do list or even just help them finish a project that they’ve been working on.

4. Receiving gifts- For people whose love language is gifts they feel most loved by receiving a tangible gift. I know that this is Ashley’s love language (and she would want me to add that it doesn’t mean that she is materialistic), but just that she feels most loved when you’ve taken time out to think of something to give to her -- big or small! For her, she loves everything from someone just taking the time to write a note, to a gluten free snack, to a sweater she’s had her eye on. For the gifts people in your life a well thought out gift would make them feel super loved this Valentine’s Day, gifts don’t necessarily have to be expensive, but they would love to know that you thought about them enough to get them a present.

5. Physical Touch- To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch. That doesn't mean only in the bedroom — everyday physical connections, like hugs, hand-holding, kissing, or any type of re-affirming physical contact is greatly appreciated. A person who speaks the language of physical touch isn't necessarily an over-the-top PDA'er, but getting a little touchy-feely does make them feel safe and loved. Any instance of physical abuse is a total deal breaker. I can’t really think of a great gift in this sense but you better make sure you give out lots of hugs to the physical touch friends/loved ones in your life.  

If you haven’t read the book yet, you can get it on Amazon here! I really believe that it will be a game changer for you and your relationships.