Time really does fly when you’re having fun (and getting no sleep)! Last week, Collins turned one month old, actually today she is 5 weeks old, and it all just seems like it’s going by too fast already! The first month has been really sweet but also really hard and at times looking back it feels a little blurry, but that’s probably just from the lack of sleep!
We love her so so much & have had so much fun getting to know her and watching her slowly become more awake and aware over the course of the last month. She loves her rock-n-play, her boppy lounger, her Lovevery toys & playmat, and eating as much as she possibly can. She hates being naked & is pretty indifferent towards bathtime. Collins has a little bit of fussiness surrounding gas pains & spitting up but we’re hoping that as her stomach matures that will get better! She and I made our first “real” outing (outside of doctor’s appointments) to the Arboretum, which was a lot of work and probably a bit too much for me for the very first outing but we had Sarah and Conley there to support us and we made it through! She’s gotten to meet so many family & friends and has just been working on growing!
Collins was born at 6 lbs 1 oz and so packing on the pounds has been pretty much our number one priority in month one and even now into month 2! At our first pediatrician's appointment after being discharged from the hospital she was back up to almost her birth weight at 6 lbs, which our doctor was pleased with and then later that week, we came in again for a weight check and she had gained more ounces. I can’t remember exactly where she was, but he was happy enough with her weight gain that we didn’t have to come back again for a weight check until her one-month appointment. At her one-month appointment last week Collins was at 7 lbs 12 oz! She had gone from the 4th percentile to the 16th! Girlfriend has been eating constantly & it showed on the scale! She still has some growing to do but we’re just glad she’s on the right track. One of the best parts of her gaining weight is that we’re getting to sleep a little bit more… sometimes. Our pediatrician has given us the go-ahead to get up every 4-5 hours at night to feed her instead of every 3, and it has gotten us a couple of extra hours of sleep here and there, but mostly Collins wakes us up pretty close to every 3 hours because she wants to eat! Hopefully, as she gains more and more weight she will start sleeping longer and longer but for right now we are just so happy that she’s growing!
As for me, this first month postpartum has been a bit of a rollercoaster. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so many emotions all at one time and have been struggling with some postpartum anxiety. Immediately after delivery I did ok and was even shocked that I wasn’t more emotional and hormonal during our hospital stay. I only cried a few times while we were in the hospital and most of it was surrounding physical pain, being exhausted, or Collins having to be under the bilirubin lights. Trey & I were pleasantly surprised by the fact that I wasn’t a total emotional wreck. Well, that all changed the day we came home from the hospital. Both of our families came over for dinner that night, which is something I wanted to happen, but once everyone was there I became completely overwhelmed and at one point sat in my room with Collins for about 2 hours crying while I fed and held her. From there, the next several weeks were really, really hard (and honestly, it’s still hard). My anxiety and intrusive thoughts really center around something happening to Collins or her getting sick and at times it is completely paralyzing. I think some of this anxiety comes from and is mixed with the grief of losing our first baby to a miscarriage earlier this year. I just have moments where I’m so afraid we’re going to lose her too that it can be hard to fight them off. Over the course of the last couple weeks, I wouldn’t say that it has gotten better, but I do feel like, by the grace of God, that I’ve done a little bit better job of fighting those thoughts. I am so thankful for an incredible community who are loving and supporting me through this season & am hopeful that it will continue to get better with time. It is forcing me to face some unresolved pain and to turn to the Lord because really there’s nowhere to put those anxieties except to cast them on Him. It’s definitely a work in progress and it’s been hard, but I would not change it for ANYTHING. I am so unbelievably thankful for Collins. She has been the biggest blessing in Trey & I’s life and we are completely obsessed with her.
With all that said, if you are a new mom or a mom-to-be and want to know a few of our favorite baby items right now, I wanted to close out with just a few of the things we couldn’t live without…
The Owlet Monitor. Even if I wasn’t struggling with anxiety, this was high on our list of things we wanted just for the peace of mind it provides in knowing that it will alert you if the baby were to ever stop breathing. I don’t think I would be getting any sleep at all without it.
My Brest Friend. This breastfeeding pillow is the best! It is basically like a shelf you can put your baby on to breastfeed! We didn’t have it in the hospital and breastfeeding with pillows was rough. As soon as we got home and I started using My Brest Friend it became so much easier!
The Ollie Swaddle. Collins is a little baby Houdini and can get her arms out of every single swaddle. The Ollie Swaddle is the only swaddle that can contain her like 90% of the time. She still manages to wiggle an arm out every once in a while (usually because we haven’t wrapped it tight enough or she has snuck an arm up a little bit while we’re wrapping her up) but most of the time this keeps her swaddled up nice and tight! I also love that the swaddle is far away from her face so you don’t have to worry about it covering her mouth and nose.
The Hatch Sound Machine & the portable Rohm Sound Machine. Babies don’t like sleeping in silence and Collins will often instantly calm when she hears her sound machine. We have the Hatch sound machine in our bedroom (she’s sleeping in the Halo Bassinet in our room for now) and love the light & sound options on it! You can work the sound machine through the controls on the bottom or through the app on your phone. Plus, when she’s older you can use it to let your little ones know when they are allowed to come out of their room by setting different programs. The Rohm sound machine is perfect for taking with you in your diaper bag & wherever they may need to nap! She absolutely loves them both and so do I because they help her get her sleep!